There are warning signs giving you a number to call before digging up the underground cable. You call the number. The response isn’t what you expected.

A breathy voice, pitched lower than her natural register asks “What can I do for you big boy?”.

You let two beats of confused silence pass before you start haltingly into your story of the makeover you have planned for the front garden, of things like edging and hedging, and wanting to turn over the soil and the sign about calling to check for cables… this is when the person on the other end interjects “Shit…I’m sorry, I’ve done it again, I’ve got three different phones here and I keep mixing up which line is for which service…don’t report me?”

You think her normal voice sounds quite nice…”If I don’t report you, could we go out for a drink?” you ask.