Your life changes when you’re unable to speak above a whisper.

Libraries and movie theatres = good. Crowded trams and getting the attention of frazzled shop assistants = bad.

It has stalled my promotions at work. Nothing is more sinister and unable to galvanise the support of shareholders than a Head of Finance who whispers about the results.

Perhaps now would be the time to explore my passion for paleontology. Actually how about the adult film industry – whispering is sexy right? Or maybe I could gain a following as the leader of a silent sect…

A pity EBIT and P/E ratio is still what gets my heart racing. Who would have thought you could be too quiet as an accountant?!