You are having an affair with your best friend’s partner, and you want to get caught.

You don’t like him much, scratch that, you don’t like him at all…and these last few months; of flirting and text messages and luring him over the line, have only made it worse.

He is narcissistic, sexist and has terrible toe nail hygiene. He is lazy, selfish and listens to Whigfield (trust me it’s bad).

What my best friend Tina ever saw in him is a complete mystery. Tonight is what we have been working up to for months however. Ted thinks we’re finally going to seal the deal and do ‘it’. Tina has her camera guy ready. I am just bloody glad this long-running soap will finally come to an end and I’ll be able to reinvest in my own relationship rather than being part of theirs.

They are as ill-suited as a cashed up bogan on his first Brownlow red carpet, and I for one didn’t need this palaver to prove it. But Tina did and I truly hope she is now satisfied – she’s the only one getting what she wants tonight!