In a world in which chocolate is the currency, global warming wreaks havoc.

When my nest egg was a brown sludgy mess and when ATMs spewed chocolate goo like a fondue fountain, Easter was unaffordable to all but the richest of the rich and designer wallets were really just glorified Tupperware.

I tried to tell my kids that in my day chocolate wars occurred when someone snuck the final square of the Cadbury family block before the Sunday night telemovie started, but they couldn’t relate that to the actual chemical attacks between nation states that now dominated the news feed.

We were about to enter our fourth plus 47c day in a row. How had world leaders not anticipated all the pit falls of this plan? A matriarchy, which already highly valued chocolate, would definitely not have made the same mistakes.