A podium is bewitched with the ability to reveal the secrets of its speakers.

The voice-over played right on time:
“We are very pleased to have the esteemed Professor with us all the way from Brussels. To speak on the topic of ‘The Balkanisation of the internet and further geopoliticisation of Economics’ please welcome, first lady, Professor Emeline Janners.” 

As the lights came up on the podium and the applause died down I opened my mouth to begin the address I’d been preparing for months:

“I still suck my thumb” I said.

There was one or two polite chuckles and then confused silence. Perhaps I was starting with an analogy?

“I slept with the valet last night and my husband doesn’t know”.

I clapped my hand over my mouth and took a surprised step back from the podium, I felt my speech rush immediately back into my mind… but was my career already over?

I glanced at the President in the front row, he looked livid. Playing the supportive husband at my address today was definitely not a good political call…