Your country music-superstar father has no idea you exist.

Your small-town-hairdresser mother makes you the centre of her world.

They met just the once and presumedly conceived you after mere hours in each other’s company. She was hired to tousle his iconic blonde locks and ended up ruffling much more. The fact his next album was named ‘Riverdale’, after the town you call home, means they must have chatted at least a little amongst the other action.

You imagine turning up at his next concert…or outside one of his houses…or at his real kids’ schools…but you don’t do any of that. The rodeo is coming to town next month. He is playing the headline gig. Surely he’ll request your mum to style his hair once more and you’ll turn up instead…or maybe as well as…you haven’t decided the exact extortion details yet…but you (and your own tousled locks) are ready for him.