What begins as an insincere thank-you note to your in-laws devolves into a cathartic writing exercise.

Thank you Beth and Richard for the fourth commemorative plate from your golf club’s annual fundraiser. Obviously you want to help me collect a set of six or eight, so the whole family can be instructed on how to perfect their swings or compare approach shots to the tricky seventh hole green, all while eating dinner. Nothing gives me more pleasure than spending three to four hours talking about golf every Christmas. I suppose I should be grateful you play golf, rather than pole dance or treat your own sewerage as a hobby, as I can only imagine what fundraising memorabilia I might receive in that case. At least I use plates. This one can join the other three catching drips under the laundry sink you incompetently patched during your last visit Richard. All my love, Rhonda.