Life took a turn for the better the day the parachute failed to open. Not your parachute of course, Brads. Your asshole of an ex-husband hadn't updated his will. [Flash back: "Paperwork Susie? I'm too busy for that shit, I expect you to take care of that". So you ticked some boxes on his life... Continue Reading →
A business man sits next to you on a flight back from Istanbul. "Tell me everything," he says. "Um, sorry, about what?" you ask.As far as openings to what might be a 12 hour conversation go you've heard much worse."Ah good" he responds "I knew you'd be interesting".While flattered (probably his intent) you are a... Continue Reading →
You download an app on your phone to take part in a guided walking tour. Your entire life changes. Town Hall steps. 8am. Ok, you think, I can do that.Walking tours have a reputation for being lame. Bad outfits. Questionable history. Blisters. Clogged footpaths. Belligerent guests. You're hopeful this one will be different. You've prepped... Continue Reading →
Her tall, attractive, smart college roommate breezes into town to announce that she's just skipped bail and needs a good hideout. 'F*king typical bloody Bridgette, only ever thinks about her bloody self'. She's always got exactly what she wanted in life and never gives a fig about what other people value - like a peaceful-law-abiding... Continue Reading →
Even though I've never been there, I often dream of New Hampshire I blame my diet of watching The West Wing and reading Richard North Patterson novels. I would be cool in a crisis, spouting witty one-liners, capturing subversives in the coffee line while concurrently solving the energy crisis - if only I lived in... Continue Reading →
For the past five weeks, her neighbour hadn't put out a garbage can. But she could hear him singing. During covid iso putting out the garbage cans was a big deal. People wore costumes and competed with witty posts. If Bernard was doing the balcony singing thing why wasn't he part of the bin parade?... Continue Reading →
Raising alpacas had seemed like a brilliant idea at first. Part 1 - having the brilliant idea We sat around that Saturday morning, with a real pot of tea, a fresh apricot and date loaf, and a blank piece of paper. "Start with goals" Aunt Peonie said. "Or is it better to call them objectives...?"... Continue Reading →
Those people are taking historical re-enactment just a little too far. Their daughter died of dystentry. It is one thing to live off the grid - to build a cabin in the woods, grow vegetables and use solar for a small bulb or two - most people can understand the appeal of that. But take... Continue Reading →
A placebo becomes the nation's leading antidepressant. "You HAVE to listen to the latest Hidden Brain podcast, I love Shankar Vedantam… This one is all about placebos and their role in health care. We are very easily influenced. Even when we know we're taking a placebo. It's bloody weird but bloody interesting..." my therapist trailed... Continue Reading →
Your 97-year old father wants to die at home. He doesn't understand that his house burned down six years ago. You want to make his final wish come true. Thank god for sophisticated projection mapping systems and VR. Thank god for failing eyesight and slight geriatric confusion too. One night you lace his tea with... Continue Reading →
Turns out fairies are called that because they're obsessed with being fair. You begin to regret having one as a lifetime companion. Sometimes you want to be able to take the larger slice of cake... Look around accusingly when your tissue covers the black washing with fluff... or 'forget' to take the bins out on... Continue Reading →
A woman goes on a blind date with a guy who suggests that if she just got a little plastic surgery, she'd be perfect. She is going to kill her brother. Why did he think she'd like this arsehole?! She was wary from the get go: Steve's colleagues are always privileged, self indulgent… up themselves... Continue Reading →
That charming young couple have way , way too many terms of endearment for each other. And none of them seem very 'normal'... Cuddle muffin Swaddle puffin Mambo mama Fleecilious Waguey stewy My little salamander Handy Andy Smartie sparks Lil' flannel fella mmmmmmm bop! Busted custard Awesome Annie Preshie Darling riverboat Cackles Mtpy
Every wall in the apartment was a different colour; there was a reason for that. For years your boss at Boston's leading hardware store had been topping up his staff's wages with those sample pots of paint. Too tight to pay regulation rates he took the "or goods in kind to equal value" clause to... Continue Reading →
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